Need To Feel
by Brit2805
Summary: When Edward experiences a horrible tragedy, he closes himself off to the outside world. Will Jasper be able to help him live and feel again? E/J Slash, AH, Mature. Entry for the Devirginizing Edward contest.
1. Chapter 1

_**Devirginizing Edward One-Shot Contest**_

**Story Name: Need To Feel  
Pen name: Vampress911  
Pairing: Edward & Jasper  
Disclaimer: SM owns all things Twilight.  
**

**To see other entries in the "Devirginizing Edward" contest, please visit the C2: ****.net / community / Devirginizing_Edward / 76805 /**

**AN: This is a slash story, so if you don't like that kinda thing, stop reading now. I, for one, fucking love Edward and Jasper slash, but I realize it's not everyone's cup of tea. This story is also mature, so if you're not 18, please find your entertainment elsewhere.**

**This is my first attempt at writing slash. I've shied away for a long time because there are just SO many amazing slash stories out there and I felt I couldn't come close to competing. But this little idea popped into my head and just wouldn't go away. I hope you like it!**

**Mucho thanks to Lindsay (lady0912) for pre-reading!!! Love you!**

* * *

**EPOV**

I lay in my bed staring up at the ceiling as the annoying buzzing sound of my alarm breaks through the comfortable silence. I reach out and slam it off, probably a little harder than necessary.

_Fan-fucking-tastic. Another day in the hell hole that is Forks High School. _

I begrudgingly leave my warm bed and walk towards the bathroom that is adjoined to my expansive bedroom. I turn on the shower to let the water heat up while I brush my teeth. I avoid looking in the mirror. It only reminds me that I have the exact same reddish-brown hair that my mother adorned. My deep emerald eyes only remind me that Alice, my other half, my twin sister, had those same eyes. I can't look because I can't stand to feel the emotions that would undoubtedly consume me. It's easier to just not feel anything if at all possible.

_God I miss them so much._

Some days, though, I can't seem to stop the emotions that devour me. Those days are unbearable and I usually don't leave my bed, but they're few and far between now as I've learned to control where my mind wanders. Other days, most days, I'm able to avoid thinking and feeling altogether. I pretty much function on auto-pilot. Those days are tolerable, but every day is filled with a loss so profound that I struggle to even function. The hole is there whether I choose to acknowledge it or not. Today is no different.

I hop in the shower, allowing the searing water to beat down on my achy muscles. I pretty much beat the shit out of the punching bag in our basement gym last night and now I was definitely feeling the repercussions. Beating on the bag is one of the few ways that I can release some of the emotions I try so hard to repress, but it only helps temporarily. If only the hot water spraying down on me could melt away all the painful memories that are constantly floating around in my head. If only…

I finish washing up then dress in my usual boring attire: dark jeans slung low on my hips, a t-shirt, and my gray worn-in Cons. Today my t-shirt is white. It was clean and on top of the pile in my drawer.

Leaving my room, I walk down the hallway then down the grand staircase towards the kitchen. I didn't realize my father was also in the kitchen until I entered. If I'd known, I would have waited until he was gone. Avoiding the awkward silences and clipped conversations just make things easier for the both of us.

I walk over to the coffee maker without making eye contact. I get everything situated then turn it on, but I keep my back to him, trying to act completely enthralled in the process of coffee making.

"I'll be working a double at the hospital tonight, so don't expect to see me."

_Like this is a new occurrence_.

"Okay," I answer while turning my head briefly to glance in his direction. He finishes gulping down his orange juice then sets the glass on the counter before turning towards the door leading out to our garage.

"Bye, son," he says before slamming the door. Seconds later I hear the engine of his Mercedes roaring to life.

_Oh so today I'm your son. Right._

Most days, if I even see my father that is, he ignores my existence. I usually feel as though I live in this huge fucking unnecessary mansion all by myself. Well besides Victoria, our live-in housekeeper, but she makes herself pretty invisible when I'm here. My father fills his days and nights with work at the local hospital. He never takes days off, and many times he doesn't even come home to sleep, choosing to catch his shut-eye in one of the on-call rooms.

I think it's hard for him to look at me too. Looking at me only acts as a constant living reminder of what we've lost. I know he still lives with the guilt of not being here to help them every single day. He still believes his presence could have changed the outcome, but I know better.

Things haven't always been this way. My father and I once had a very close relationship. We had father-son time at least once a week. We would go to the movies and see the action flicks my mom and Alice would never dream of seeing. We would go fishing when it wasn't too rainy, which I never really liked much, but spending that time with him out on the water was worth it. Sometimes we would even play video games, which I always dominated, but he would put up a pretty decent fight every now and then.

No, things haven't always been so fucked up. My father and I weren't always strangers to each other. About three years ago, when I was fourteen, the little perfect life I led was blown to pieces and things have never been the same since.

_Flashback_

_Dad was at some medical conference in Portland, and my friend Emmett and I were having a pretty hardcore Halo competition in the game room. Alice and my mom, Esme, decided to drive to Port Angeles for a little shopping spree. Typical Saturday in my world. _

"_Edward, honey, your sister and I are leaving. If your father calls, just tell him we'll be back later. There's leftover pizza in the fridge or you boys can ask Victoria to make you something to eat if you get hungry."_

"_Awesome! Thanks, Mrs. C!" Emmett replied enthusiastically._

"_Thanks, mom. Have fun shopping. Oh dude, I so just killed your ass!"_

"_Language Edward! Now you boys be good. We'll be back in a few hours. Bye!"_

"_Bye!" We both boomed in unison, never really looking away from the TV screen. _

_Later that night, Emmett and I were sitting at the bar in the kitchen eating the leftover pizza. "I thought they would have been back by now."_

"_Dude, you know your sister. Not even your mom can rein her in when she's doing some intense shopping. I'm sure they're fine. Don't worry bro." He finished by patting my shoulder comfortingly._

"_Yeah, you're probably right. How 'bout a round of pool before you leave?"_

_Before Emmett could answer, there was a loud knocking at the front door. We both got up off the barstools and headed into the entryway. I froze instantly. I could see the red and blue lights flashing through the glass insets of the front door. _Oh god… Oh god… No…

_Emmett, sensing my hesitation and probably seeing the fear swimming in my eyes, opened the door. Chief Swan and one of his deputies appeared and the looks of sadness etched on each of their faces told me everything I needed to know. _

"_Can I help you gentlemen?" Emmett inquired evenly. _

_Chief Swan mumbled a few words to Emmett that were too low for me to hear. When Emmett turned around to face me, his usually joyful eyes were welling with unshed tears._

"_Edward…" Emmett barely choked out as he began walking towards me._

"_No, Emmett. NOOOO! Don't you say anything to me!" I crumpled to the floor, sobbing uncontrollably and repeatedly yelling "No" until I no longer had the strength or voice to do anything but lay there on the hard, cold marble floor and let my tears fall. Emmett rushed over and collapsed to the floor with me. His huge arms embraced and rocked me as my perfect world shattered before my eyes. _

_Later that night once my sobs had subsided to silent tears, I learned that my mom and sister were involved in a head on collision on their way back to Forks from Port Angeles. It was rainy and wet as it usually is around here, and a truck in the oncoming lane lost control of their vehicle and crossed over the double yellow lines. They were killed instantly and so was the driver of the truck. _

_Chief Swan was the one that made the call to my dad. He took the first flight out of Portland and arrived back in Forks the next day. He went straight to the hospital when he returned, but later when he came home, I was curled up in my bed wishing for sleep so that I could wake up from this horrible nightmare. _

_He softly knocked on my door then came in and made his way over to my bed. I sat up when I heard him approaching. I'd never seen my dad look so terrible. His blonde hair was disheveled and his eyes were bloodshot and there were dark purple circles forming under them. He gingerly sat down on my bed and instantly pulled me in his arms. He pressed me hard into his chest and provided me the comfort I craved. I could feel his sternum heaving as he sobbed, which only made my tears flow more violently. We sat there, hugging and crying, for probably an hour…_

_End Flashback_

I didn't know it at the time, but that was the end of my close relationship with my father. He withdrew into himself and I guess I sort of did the same. We haven't had any real interaction in about three years. Hell, I haven't had much interaction with _anyone_ in about three years.

It's not like people haven't tried to get me to open up, they definitely have, especially Emmett. But I just… _can't_. It's just easier for me to be alone. I don't need to bring anyone down with my ridiculously depressing life, or existence rather.

I know tragic things happen to people every day. I also know the old saying, "Time heals all wounds." _Bullshit it does_. Time heals nothing when you live in a small town where everyone and everything reminds you of your tragedy. I just need to graduate high school and get the _fuck_ out of here and away from all the painful memories and constant reminders. Not that I want to forget my mom and sister, I will never forget them, but I want to remember the good things. I feel like I can't do that here.

So, everyday is the same. I go through the motions, biding my time until I can leave and start a new life.

Medical school and becoming a doctor used to be a dream of mine. I wanted to be just like my father. Everyone knew and respected Dr. Carlisle Cullen and I couldn't wait to get that same recognition. Now, I could care less about following in my father's footsteps. Music was my passion and one of the only things that got me through each day.

The silent coffee maker drew me out of my musings. I glanced at the clock on the microwave and realized that I needed to haul ass or I was going to be late. Pouring my coffee into a travel cup, I grabbed my keys, iPod, and jacket and headed out the door.

As I walked through the halls of Forks High School, my already bad mood soured even more as I thought about what a monumental waste of time it was for me to even come here every goddamn day. During most classes I listen to my iPod as opposed to the lectures. I never participate and I don't do any assignments. None. Oh, and I don't take tests either. I wouldn't come at all, since I obviously do no work, but apparently truancy is against the law and would land both me and my father in some trouble.

So, here I am, wasting yet another day. Not like I have any pressing engagements, but at least if I was able to stay home, I could play my piano and do whatever the fuck I wanted.

My teachers usually just take pity on me and pass me with C's, which is fine with me. They all know me and my family and what happened, so what started out as allowing me "time to heal" has snowballed into them just passing me off to the next grade without me ever doing a stitch of actual school work. It's sad really. My family was very prominent in this town, still is I suppose, and my parents donated a lot of money to the schools here. I think my father may still give money, which is yet another reason why the school won't rock the boat and risk upsetting Dr. Carlisle Cullen by forcing his one and only child to actually _do_ the required coursework.

The only class I give a shit about and actually earn my grade in is music. My teacher, Mr. Black, pretty much allows me to just play the piano as I wish, but I do have to turn in two original compositions, one per semester. I appreciate that Mr. Black doesn't really treat me any different than any other student. There are only five of us in the class and we are all allowed to use class time to play our chosen instruments and are all required to do the original pieces. We all know what is expected so there's never any reason to talk, which I definitely like.

The warning bell rings, signaling that everyone has two more minutes to get where they are supposed to be. Most students start jogging off in the direction of their classes, but I keep my steady pace and keep my head down. I rarely look up when I walk. I started this habit after the accident, mostly because I didn't want to see all the looks of pity thrown my way. Now, I don't want to see just how much I've isolated myself. People act as if I don't even exist, which I guess is what I was shooting for all along, but some days the loneliness really gets to me.

A few feet before my first period biology class, someone running to their own class slams hard into my shoulder, almost knocking me off balance.

"Ooomph. Hey, watch it!" I said before turning to whoever almost knocked me on my ass.

"Oh my god. I'm so sorry, man! I wasn't watching where I was going. Are you okay?" He asked, seeming to actually be concerned with my well-being.

In the split-second that I actually looked up from the linoleum floor and glanced at him, I realized that he was fucking beautiful. I noticed he had the brightest blue eyes I'd ever seen, framed by small black-rimmed glasses. His chin-length wavy blonde hair was wild, like he was running late and had just rolled out of bed. I felt a comfortable weight on my shoulder accompanied by a jolt of electricity. I looked quickly at my shoulder and realized his large hand was resting there.

"Are you okay? Did I hurt you?" He asked again.

"Fine," I huffed out before turning and heading into biology.

Biology was definitely a class I didn't give a shit about. So after taking my seat in the back, I popped in my earbuds and turned on my iPod, letting the music flow freely and effectively blocking out the lecture on the stages of mitosis. _When the fuck would I need to know about mitosis in the real world? Exactly. Never._

My thoughts shifted to the guy that had just bumped into me. I wondered who he was. I didn't know him and I'd never seen him before, but that didn't really mean a lot since I never paid any attention to the people around me.

_And what the fuck was with the weird tingly sensation?_ Probably just static electricity or something.

_He did have the most beautiful eyes._ Woah, what the fuck? That was such a chick thing to say. When did I grow a vagina?

For the rest of biology, I tried to space out and forget about my little encounter with the pretty blue-eyed boy.

I've known I was gay for a long time, since I was twelve or thirteen maybe. Well, I take that back. I knew I was different when I was twelve or thirteen. I knew that when Emmett or any of my other ex-friends looked at girls and found them attractive, I didn't. I could appreciate their beauty, but not in the "I wanna fuck her" kind of way.

It wasn't until my and Alice's fourteenth birthday party, a few months before the accident, that it finally clicked that I was probably gay. Jessica Stanley pulled me off into a corner and gave me a "birthday kiss", which almost made me gag in her yucky little mouth. Her lips were sticky with strawberry flavored gloss and her tongue was trying to attack and conquer mine. Overall, it was a pretty gross and humiliating experience.

The next day, Alice and I were watching _Step Up_ and she commented on how hott she thought Channing Tatum was. I thought to myself, "Hell yeah he is" before even really considering my internal response. So there it was, my light bulb moment.

I didn't come out to my family because the realization was still so new and I was still accepting it myself. It wasn't that I was scared to come out. I didn't think my family would have much of a problem with it, but I never got the chance to find out because the accident happened not long after.

After that, I never really had thoughts of guys and I had absolutely no desire to date or even seek out others like me. Needless to say, I was a virgin in every way you could be one. I preferred to block out the sticky kiss with Jessica and say I've never been kissed either. My lack of desire and my _wonderful _relationship with my father obviously did nothing to encourage me to come out to him or anyone else.

So, no one knew I was gay. Hell it was barely ever at the forefront of my mind considering I hadn't been attracted to anyone since Channing. That is, until the pretty blue-eyed boy ran into me today.

_Fuck, this was new_.

I needed to forget about him though. The last thing I needed was to get close to someone here. I didn't want someone asking or forcing me to stay here and I didn't want someone making me reconsider my choice to leave.

_Yep, the forgetting about him starts right now._

I was confident in my decision as I walked into my second period history class. I was known to actually listen to Miss Swan's lecture every now and then, so I turned off my iPod and took my seat in the back. Maybe listening to some stories about our nation's past would help my mind stay away from a certain someone. I was right. I was able to stay interested enough to focus on the Civil War lecture Miss Swan was giving and I didn't think about him once the entire period.

The bell rang signaling the end of class and everyone began packing their stuff and shuffling out of class and onto third period.

"Alright guys, have a good day and I'll see you tomorrow. Edward, can you please stay a minute? I need to speak with you."

_What the fuck? I didn't do anything wrong. Shit I actually listened today! Wonder what the hell she wants._

I slowly gathered my things, waiting until the room was empty before I approached Miss Swan's desk. I didn't say anything, just waiting for her to get to the point. I needed to get to class.

"Edward, I know you don't like to chit chat and I know you need to get to third period, so I'll make this quick. Come see me here at the end of the day. We've got something to talk about."

_Was she serious? Yeah, I guess she looked pretty serious. Fuck! Now I have to wonder what she wants all damn day._

I nodded at her, hopefully getting across that I was frustrated, then walked out and headed toward my third period music class, thankful for the distraction.

The day trudged along slowly, but finally the last bell of the day sounded and I made my way across the small campus towards Miss Swan's class. She was sitting at her desk ruffling through some papers. I entered and sauntered over to stand in front of her desk. I was pretty tall, about 6'3, and I was now looking down on her small sitting form, hopefully portraying what a huge inconvenience this was for me. She let me stand there for a few moments before glancing up at me completely unaffected by my intimidation tactics.

"Edward. Why don't u have a seat?" She gestured towards a desk on the front row. Turning slowly, I went and sat down. I was really fucking curious what this was all about.

"I'll get right to it," she stated curtly. "You're a smart guy, Edward. I know you are. Yet you don't apply yourself at all. You have the potential to be one of the best students at Forks High, but no one here expects anything from you. I admit that even I have been guilty of that, but it stops now. I can't in good conscience allow you to just squeak by. So, starting now, you will do all of the work I assign. You will take all the tests like the other students and you will make up all the work you haven't done up until this point. If you don't, I won't pass you and you will be right back here with me next year while all your classmates have moved on to senior history."

_No way, she's got to be fucking kidding me! _It's already February so that would mean I'd have to complete all the work from the previous six months along with the work for the remaining three and a half months. _No fucking way!_

"But Miss Swan, it's already February! That's too much work to do in such a short amount of time. That's _impossible_!" I screeched at her. She's being ridiculous.

"No, Edward. It is very possible and you will do it, or you don't pass. Now before you freak out too much, I am going to do one thing to help you out."

_Oh, like maybe stop being a bitch? That would definitely help me out A LOT!_

"You're going to meet with a peer tutor after school three times a week, Mondays, Wednesdays, and Fridays. Since today is Tuesday, you will start tomorrow. Be in the library right after school and he'll meet you there. He'll get you caught up on all the lectures and assignments you've missed and your class time will be used to learn all the information I'm currently teaching."

I was absolutely seething at this point. "I don't need a fucking tutor Miss Swan. I'm perfectly capable of doing the work without anyone's help."

"You will not speak to me that way Edward Cullen. I know you've had a rough few years, so I will that slide. Once. You will be at the library tomorrow. I'll know about it if you don't show. You know the consequences, so it's your choice."

I stood up roughly, knocking the desk over as I did, and practically ran out of her classroom, slamming the door to add a final exclamation point.

_This is such bullshit! There is no way I'm doing this. I'll talk to my father. He'll get this straightened out._

I got to my Volvo and swung the door open before plopping into the driver's seat. I knew my face was probably red with anger and my breaths were coming out in heavy pants.

_No… just, no. Not happening. I'm not doing the work and I'm definitely not meeting with some dumbass tutor three times a week. I'm probably smarter than the damn tutor anyways! _

I took a deep breath in attempt to calm myself. Carlisle would fix this. Nothing would change and Miss Swan would get put in her place. Guaranteed. She has no idea who she's fucking with.

As I started up my Volvo and began driving home, I realized something. Was I really considering running to my daddy to bitch because for once a teacher demanded work out of me? How fucking lame is that? "Um yes, oh daddy of mine that I barely see or talk to, will you please make sure that I pass junior history without doing any work? Okay thanks." _Yeah fuckin' right!_

I didn't need his help. I would deal with this on my own, like I dealt with practically everything on my own. If that meant actually doing the fucking assignments and essays and tests, well so be it. I would do everything Miss Swan wanted and I would ace it all.

I would view this as the challenge it was and hopefully it would help to distract me, maybe making the time go by quicker. There was no fucking way I was going to get behind in my classes and have to spend another year with Miss Swan and possibly even prolong my time in Forks. _Nope, definitely not happening. _

The whole tutor thing still pissed me off though. She said she knew I was smart, so then why the tutor? Oh well, I'd just have to run him off by being my charming self or I would prove that I didn't _need_ a tutor.

_Operation Fuck-You-Miss-Swan commences tomorrow!_

The next day classes seemed to pass agonizingly slow. I listened in Miss Swan's class, but I made sure to give her the evil eye anytime she looked my way. God it so hard not to say "fuck it" and just iPod that bitch while she was lecturing about the Civil War. But no, I would not surrender.

As I was leaving her class, she eyed me pointedly and said, "Be there, Edward." I rolled my eyes and just kept on walking. _Yeah yeah, I'll be there, but your little tutor is gonna wish he hadn't signed up for this._ _Why would someone sign up to be a tutor? It's not like they got paid. Hmm, beats the hell outa me._

Finally, the last bell was ringing and yet another fascinating day at Forks High had come to a close. Well, not for me I guess. I grabbed my shit and made my way towards the library. I guess my tutor would be watching out for me because I sure as hell didn't know who to look for.

As I turned the corner, the front of the small library came into view. I looked up and saw a mop of wild blonde hair in the distance. He seemed to be waiting for someone. _Oh fuck….. Please don't let the pretty blue-eyed boy be my tutor!_

I looked back down at my feet as I continued to walk. As I got closer, I started chanting in my head. _Oh fuck. Oh fuck. Oh fuck. Oh fuck._ The plan was just to walk past him and pray to the sweet baby Jesus that my real tutor waited for me inside.

His shoes came into my line of vision. _Hey, he's wearing gray Cons like me_. And just as I was passing him and breathing a sigh of relief, he called out to me.

"Hey, you're Edward right?" His voice was deep, but shy and wavering. I stopped walking and looked up at him through my lashes. _Fuck, just as gorgeous as I remember_.

I cleared my throat and then spoke. "Umm, yeah. That's me. Who the hell are you?" _Man I definitely sounded like an asshole, but that's what I was going for, right? _I needed to run this so-called tutor off, even more so now that he was totally fucking hott.

"Umm, my name is Jasper… Jasper Hale. I'm supposed to be tutoring you in history. Didn't Miss Swan tell you?"

_Thanks for nothing sweet baby Jesus._ _God, even his name is hott. _

I was definitely making him uncomfortable. He pushed his black frames, which had fallen down his nose a bit, back up with his middle finger. He was shifting his weight back and forth on his feet, and he looked like he just wanted to run away. _Fucking adorable._

I decided to take him out of his misery. "Yeah, she told me. C'mon, let's get this show on the road."

With that I turned and headed towards the library entrance. I was a few steps ahead of him and I couldn't shake the feeling that I was getting the once-over. So I quickly glanced back at him, just as his eyes were darting up. _Busted! He was so checking out my ass! Wait, he was…what? And I'm excited about it? Apparently I didn't mind if pretty boy, now known as Jasper, was ogling my ass. This was NOT good._

I opened the door to the library and was hit with the comforting smell of old books. I didn't hold the door open for Jasper, and he must have tried to run in before it shut because the next thing I hear is a loud clashing sound followed by books hitting the tile floor and him whispering "Ow, fucking shit!"

I turn around to see Jasper's body, half inside and half outside, trying to writhe free from between the door and door frame. His books are scattered across the floor and the sight is just fucking hilarious. I try to suppress my chuckles as I continue to watch him. He finally manages to get his entire body inside and tries to brush off the whole incident gracefully. As he bends down to start collecting his books, I walk back over to help.

"No, I got it. You can just go get us a table." He was all flustered and embarrassed, I could tell. His cheeks were flushed pink and his blue eyes were glancing around, trying to gauge how many people witnessed his little performance.

I continued helping him collect his things from the floor. We both reached for one of his textbooks at the same time and our fingers brushed lightly before I quickly pulled away. _Fuck, there's that tingly shit again. Why is he so static-y? _

"Sorry," I mumbled as we both stood.

"It's fine," he huffed out. He walked ahead of me briskly towards the back of the library where we'd have some privacy and not bother anyone. Now it was my turn to ogle and _fuck me_ if he didn't have one amazing backside. He was tall like me and he was lean, but obviously toned. He wore light-wash denim jeans that hugged his round little ass very fucking nicely. So nicely, in fact, that I had to suppress a groan.

He finally found a table that met his approval and dropped his stuff onto it. He pulled a chair out and roughly sat down. It was apparent that he was still flustered. I tried to hide my smirk, but I failed.

"I'm glad that was entertaining for you," he whisper-shouted at me. His blue eyes sparkled with frustration. I was trying to decide whether I wanted to bust out laughing or jump his bones. I decided on neither and smoothly took my seat across from him. I silently took out my history book, hoping he would get the hint and just start talking about whatever Miss Swan had instructed him to.

He took a few deep breaths to steady himself and because of our close proximity, I could feel his warm breath laced with mint sweep over my face. I looked up at him slyly and his eyes were squeezed shut behind his glasses. I took the opportunity to really _look _at him. His skin was pale except for the blush he was still sporting. His face was oval-shaped, but he had a chiseled jaw line. He must have forgone shaving this morning because there was a hint of stubble on his neck, jaw, and chin. His lips were full, the bottom one being slightly more full than the top, and they were a light raspberry color. His blonde waves were falling in his eyes and all I could think in that moment was how bad I wanted to brush the golden strands away, grab his face and feel the rough stubble under my palms, and suck his bottom lip into my mouth.

_Woah, where the fuck did that come from? Dammit, now I have a freakin' boner. Fantastic. _

He suddenly opened his eyes and grabbed his history textbook as well. He opened it and flipped through the pages until he found what he was looking for.

"Okay, Miss Swan just told me to start with chapter 2. We have to work our way through chapter 20 by the end of the year and obviously you still have to keep up with what she's lecturing on in class. I'll have assignments to give you at the end of every session and you have to give them back to me at our next session. Got it?"

"Yep," I answered evenly, popping the "p" at the end.

As soon as Jasper starts talking about history, his entire demeanor changes. He's still geeky, but instead of being shy and awkward, he's full of confidence and animated as he speaks. History is definitely a passion of his. He gets excited when he talks about it just like Miss Swan does when she lectures.

I found geeky Jasper sexy as fuck, but confident Jasper has his appeal too. _Great, my jeans are feeling really tight and constricting right about now._

So the original plan when it came to this whole tutoring business was to be a royal ass and make the tutor quit. I think I've succeeded in being an ass, even though it wasn't entirely on purpose. I've barely spoken to him, even when he's asked me questions I've just looked at the pages in the book. I've tried to avoid eye contact because I'm afraid if he's able to look into my eyes for too long that he will realize how much he's affecting me. I can't let that happen.

He gets frustrated with my lack of response, but just keeps on talking. I find his voice to be very soothing, and I think to myself that I could sit here forever listening to him talk. Forever came too soon though.

"Alright, Edward. I think that's enough for today. I can see that you're ready to get going. Here's your assignment. Bring it back to me Friday, okay?"

_He's so wrong. I would stay here with him indefinitely. At least he doesn't know it._

I snatch the paper from his hands then hurriedly stand and rush out of the library, leaving a stunned Jasper in my wake.

Later as my microwaveable dinner is cooking, Jasper fills my thoughts. I'm used to either not really thinking or thinking about painful memories I'd much rather avoid. Thinking of a beautiful boy is definitely a new concept for me. It's exhilarating yet scary at the same time.

I wonder if he's gay, but then quickly silence those thoughts. It doesn't matter if he is or not. I just need to do what Miss Swan wants then be done with it. I don't want or need any friends and I definitely don't need a _boyfriend_. That would only hold me back.

If I keep acting the way I did today, he won't want to have anything to do with me before too long. I just need to keep it up. No problem. _Right._

The next few weeks continue on in much the same way. I wake up every morning. I go to school. I speak to no one. School ends for the day and if it's a Monday, Wednesday, or Friday, I head to the library where I will listen to Jasper talk for about an hour or so. I take my assignment and leave without ever saying a word to him. Not one fucking word.

I go home and spend the evening alone in the huge fucking mansion. I amuse myself by playing the piano, doing my work for Miss Swan, playing video games, or working out, hitting the punching bag mostly. I usually just eat a microwaveable dinner because I hate asking Victoria to cook and I sure as hell don't know how to cook. Hence the reason our freezer is full of a wide variety of microwaveable meals. I've seen my father about four times over the past three and a half weeks.

None of that stuff is out of the ordinary for me. One thing is though.

Every night since the first tutoring session with Jasper I've been unable to go to sleep without a little… self stimulation. And it pisses me the fuck off!

I'm not ashamed of masturbating by any means. I've never really had the desire to do it much until now, but it's not the act itself that frustrates me. What angers me to no end is that I can't fucking cum without thinking about my pretty blue-eyed boy with his geeky glasses and pouty lips and blonde hair that I just wanna grab a fistful of while I hungrily devour him with my lips.

Every night since that first session has gone down the same way. I get in bed, naked of course. _What can I say? I like to be free_.

I try to just fall asleep like a normal person would, but visions of Jasper invade my consciousness. I hold off as long as possible until my throbbing erection is almost painful. When my resolve finally weakens and I give in, I stroke my cock to fantasies of kissing Jasper, touching him, feeling his hard length in my hand, watching my cock move in and out of his hot, wet mouth, and hovering over him while I bury my dick in his tight ass. And every damn night, I cum violently all over my hand and stomach.

I never feel sated though. I guess maybe I went so long with either feeling nothing or feeling only pain, that I am now reveling in the pleasure and passion that I am experiencing. Whatever it is, I'm finding my little silent act harder and harder to maintain when I'm around him. I can tell my lack of words hurts him. He thinks I'm rejecting him, but it's the exact opposite.

Honestly, I'm surprised he's stuck around this long. It can't be easy hanging out with me for an hour or more three days a week, especially since I never speak and I barely acknowledge his presence. Yet every Monday, Wednesday, and Friday… he's there like clockwork. He even praises me on my perfectly completed assignments. He even says hi to me and asks me how I'm doing before every single session. I've yet to answer and when I don't, he just flips to a page in the textbook and begins talking about whatever the topic is for that day.

It really amazes me that he keeps trying. A few months after the accident, almost everyone in my life had completely stopped trying, even Emmett. These were people that had been important in my life since childhood, too. Jasper is basically a stranger and yet he has not given up on me. What does that mean?

More importantly, how would I feel if Jasper did give up on me? If you'd asked me that a few weeks ago, I would have said that I didn't give a fuck. Now, I'm not so sure. I think it would hurt me if I showed up at the library tomorrow and he wasn't there. I think it would hurt even more if he didn't ask how I was doing.

_So quit whining like a damn baby and decide what you're actually going to _do_ about that._

_Woah there, slow your roll. I'm not doing shit. I don't need any complications in my life._

_Life? What life? You have no life, but you could…_

_It would be selfish of me to drag him into my depressing existence. No one would want that._

_Well, maybe if you had Jasper in your life, you actually be _living_ rather than just _existing_ and going through the motions every goddamn day. Ever think of that?_

_Umm, since when did me and my head start disagreeing on things?_

_Umm, since you became a scared little pussy, that's when!_

"Fine!" I said loudly to no one but myself. I was in the parking lot at school. It was Friday. I'd be seeing Jasper today. Maybe I would actually answer him today, assuming he still asked me how I was. Yes, today I would talk to Jasper. That was my decision and I was sticking with it.

But all day long I argued back and forth with myself. I also kept conjuring up all these "what if" scenarios. What if Jasper wasn't there today? What if Jasper didn't say hi and ask how I was? What if he did? What if I answered? Would he really care what I had to say? _Fuck!!! Not helping!_

As I made my way to the library after school, I was still no closer to a final decision. So I just told myself I would see how things go.

Walking in between the book stacks, our table came into view, and so did Jasper. He was sitting in the same spot he always does and his head was bent down as he was reading. He hadn't heard me walking up so I stopped about eight feet away, still in between two book stacks, and watched him. His blonde hair was down in his face, and every time he moved it out of the way, it would fall back in face moments later. He was so beautiful and he seemed so peaceful. Watching him in that moment, I was able to firmly decide that I would talk to him today, regardless of who spoke first. He was worth it… I hoped.

Taking a deep breath, I continued walking and gently pulled out the chair across from him and sat down. He smiled softly at me.

"Hey. I was wondering if you were going to show today."

_What? Was I that late?_ Glancing down at my watch, I realized I must have been watching him for about 10 minutes. Fuck it hadn't seemed like that long. _Woopsies!_

"Um, sorry to keep you waiting. I forgot my book in the music room so I had to go get it before coming here." _No, that's a lie. I was actually being a creeper and was watching you a mere eight feet away. _

His eyes widened in surprise. This was the first time I'd spoken to him since those few words at our first session. Instead of keeping my eyes downcast like I normally would, I looked up at him through my dark lashes. His sapphire eyes locked with mine for an immeasurable amount of time. I decided to have a little fun and gave him the best crooked smirk I could muster. His breathing hitched slightly before he grinned at me in return. This time, my breathing hitched.

He chuckled lightly before asking what he did before every session. "So Edward, how are you doing?"

_Yes! This was my chance!_

"I'm doing okay, Jasper. Thanks for asking… for always asking." _Fuck I loved the way his named sounded as it rolled off my tongue._ Clearing my throat, I continued, "How are _you_ doing?"

His blue eyes widened again. _Yes, Jasper. I am full of surprises today_. In what I had learned was a nervous gesture, he pushed his glasses up his nose with his middle finger before answering.

"Um, I'm doing….really good actually. Thanks." He smiled fully at me and I'd never noticed before that he had fucking _dimples_.

_Well fuck me…now, hard. Please?_

We sat there smiling goofily at each other for a bit, but then Jasper broke us out of our reverie.

"Well, I guess we should get started huh? Don't wanna be here all night, do we?" He started flipping to a page in the textbook while I was thinking about how bad I did, indeed, want to stay here all night with him. I wanted to bend him over this table and fucking slam my hard cock into him repeatedly.

_Boner alert. Fucking great. I needed to get my mind out of the gutter._

I stayed semi-hard the entire time he was talking. Everything he did and said was a turn-on. I actually looked at him while he was talking. We actually made and held eye contact, which made him trip up on his words a few times, but he always recovered with a smile on his face. I was glad to see that I wasn't the only one affected by our chemistry.

At the end of our session, I was dreading being apart from him. It was only two days though. I guess I could make due until I saw him again Monday. I would have lots more masturbation material from today, that's for sure! His voice surprised me out of my inner monologue.

"Umm, hey Edward?" He was nervous. Wonder why…

"Yeah, Jasper?"

"Umm, I was wondering if… umm, well if you didn't have any plans if… would you maybe want to hangout this weekend? Like tomorrow sometime I mean."

_Oh. My. God. Jasper fucking Hale wants to hangout with me! He wants to see me again tomorrow. He doesn't wanna wait until Monday either. Thank you sweet baby Jesus! Wait, I wonder if he means just him, or like… with his friends?_

"You mean… with you?" His face instantly fell and he looked hurt. _Stupid!_

"Umm, yeah Edward. I wanted to hangout with you tomorrow, but if you don't… then that's okay. Just tell me."

"No Jasper…" His face fell even further and he looked utterly defeated. _Fuck! I've gotta fix this and make him understand… pronto!_

"Jasper, that's not what I mean. _Fuck!_ I'm sorry, I'm just not very good at this whole talking to people thing."

"It's okay, Edward. I understand. We don't have to hangout tomorrow. It was just a thought. Have a good weekend and I'll see you Monday." He turned to leave, but I reached out to stop him, placing my hand on his shoulder. _There's the tingly shit again!_

"Jasper, wait… I do want to hangout with you tomorrow."

"Really?" He turned back to face me and I dropped my hand from his shoulder slowly, brushing down his entire arm in the process.

"Yes, really Jasper. I'd like that… a lot. What did you have in mind?" He was absolutely beaming now.

"Umm, well I didn't think you'd actually agree so I hadn't thought that far ahead. Maybe we could just… I dunno… do you wanna come over to my house?"

"Hmmm, why don't you come to my house? It's big and there's all kinda different shit we could do. And my dad will most likely be working, so he won't bother us." I tried to contain my excitement, but that was extremely difficult. I hadn't had a friend come over to the house in three years so yeah, I was super pumped.

"Okay, sure! That sounds good to me." Apparently Jasper was just as excited as me.

"Okay, cool! I live on…" but he cut me off before I could finish giving him directions to my house.

"I know where you live, Edward." _Hmmm, what does that mean? Has he asked about me? _Then it hit me. _No shit he knows where I live, practically everyone in town does._

"Right, sure you do. Umm, well wanna come by around 2?"

"Yep! I'll be there!" _There he goes, flashing that gorgeous smile at me again. Fuck I loved his dimples. He should never stop smiling._

With our plans made, we both turned and walked out of the library together in silence. I don't know about him, but I was definitely on cloud nine. We split off in the parking lot, him going towards an old pickup truck and me towards my Volvo. We waved and said we'd see each other tomorrow. I, for one, couldn't fucking wait.

However, by the time I made it home, my confidence was fading and I was freaking out. I wondered if he _really_ wanted to hangout with me, or if maybe Miss Swan had put him up to this. I knew he reported to her weekly, so maybe she was the one behind this. But then why with the smiles and stares? And what the _fuck_ was with the tingly electricity feeling? So weird.

Part of me even wondered if Jasper's wanting to hangout with me was just some cruel joke. Was someone putting him up to this because I was the local outcast? Surely not. Jasper didn't seem like that kinda guy. He was too good for that.

Furthermore, he was too good for _me_. I didn't feel like I deserved to have someone like Jasper in my life. I didn't want to subject him to my fucked up world and I didn't want to corrupt him in any way. He seemed so pure and innocent and definitely like a glass-half-full kinda guy. Sure, I was innocent in certain senses, but for the most part, I'd seen a lot of pain and anguish in my short life. Not only had I seen it, but I had experienced it firsthand and I would forever be tainted because of it.

The more I sat and pondered all of this, the more and more I thought that maybe this was a really bad idea. But it's not like I had a way to get in touch with him and tell him not to come over. I didn't know his email address or have his cell phone number. And like I would really wait until he got here then say, "Hey, yeah I changed my mind and I need you to leave." _Hell no._ But then again, maybe I was just overanalyzing. Maybe I should just chill the fuck out and see how things go tomorrow. Resolved to at least just stop thinking about it, I climbed into my big comfortable bed and began my nightly ritual.

I woke up early Saturday morning and tried to keep myself busy until he was supposed to come over. _Yeah, easier said than done. _None of my usual distractions succeeded in diverting my attention from the fact that Jasper, my pretty blue-eye boy, would be here, in my fucking house, in a matter of hours.

I decided to go downstairs and hit on the punching bag for a while, hoping that it would calm my nerves. I was really out of practice when it came to this whole social interaction business. Hell, I'm surprised I even remembered how to hold a conversation, even an awkward one, because I had talked much to anyone in that past three years. Guess all the inner monologues actually benefitted me. _Yeah, we'll see._

By the time 12:30 rolled around, I'd worked up a pretty good sweat, so I decided to go jump in the shower and change before Jasper arrived. While showering, I couldn't control my thoughts of his pouty lips and hott ass and tall, lithe body. Needless to say, I ended up jerking one out.

When I hopped out of the shower, I noticed I only had about 15 minutes until Jasper was supposed to be here. I toweled off quickly then walked back into my room to find some clothes to wear. As I was grabbing my dark-wash jeans and a t-shirt, I wondered if I should wear something different. I mean, I kinda wanted to impress him right? But it would be weird if I dressed up because we're just gonna be hanging out here at the house. _Ughhh, enough with the overanalyzing!_

I threw on my jeans and t-shirt and ran my fingers through my still wet hair. I didn't even bother trying to style it anymore because it had a mind of its own and would stick out in all different directions regardless of how much time or product I invested in it. It was a lost cause.

I heard the doorbell sound, so I ran down the stairs to the entryway where I stopped and took a deep breath. Steadying myself, I opened the door and there was Jasper, looking sexy as ever in dark jeans and a baby blue v-neck t-shirt.

I must have been standing there ogling him like the dumbass I am because his soft laughter brought me to my senses.

"Oh shit, sorry Jasper, I'm being rude. C'mon in man." I moved sideways to allow him to pass by. As he entered, his shoulder lightly brushed my chest and I felt the tingly sensation course through my body. _I think he did that on purpose!_

"Nice place you got here, Edward," he said as he took in his surroundings. I took the opportunity to look at his ass in those jeans. _God I just wanted to grab it and fucking squeeze it._

"Thanks. Game room is this way. We've got pool, Xbox 360, PS3, Wii, a few pinball machines, a flatscreen, a mini bar, you name it." _Shit, I hope that didn't sound like I was bragging. _

"Sweet!" He replied as we entered the game room.

"So, what do you feel like doing?" I asked. "I'm down for whatever, you pick." _I'd really like to find out if you taste as good as you smell, but that probably wouldn't go over too well._

"Ummm," he hesitated as he looked around the large game room, "how 'bout some Xbox? Do you have Call of Duty?"

"Ooooh yeah. You're on, my man."

A few hours later, we decided to take a break from the video games. We'd had a lot of fun and I felt both of us gradually becoming more comfortable with the other. Jasper was a nice guy, smart, really funny too, not to mention sexy as fuck. I could definitely see us being friends. It'd be nice to not be alone all the time.

"You hungry?" I asked him.

"Yeah, starving," he stated, "but Edward, you don't have to feed me. I can eat at home later."

"Jazz, it's fine. We have a shitload of stuff in the fridge or Victoria could make us something if we want."

"Jazz, huh? I like that." He was smiling at me and it was then that I realized what I said.

"Umm, yeah, it slipped I guess. My bad." _Fuck, this is just great. Now I'm giving him pet names._

"Don't be sorry. I don't mind at all. Really. But hey, who's Victoria?"

"Oh, she's our live-in housekeeper, but she cooks too. I usually never ask her to cook, but my dad does sometimes when he's here."

"He's gone a lot huh?" _Shit, I wasn't really wanting to go into this territory. _He sensed my hesitation.

"It's okay Edward. You don't have to answer that. I shouldn't have asked."

"No, it's okay. Umm, yes you're right…my dad is gone a lot. I barely ever see him actually."

"That must suck. I mean, being by yourself so much ya know."

"Not really. I'm used to it. I've had a lot of time to get used to it."

"I know what you mean," he said quietly.

"Really? How so?" I was genuinely curious about his life.

"Well, I just moved to Forks from Texas this past summer before junior year started. I guess I haven't really gotten around to making many friends. No, scratch that, I have zero friends. I'm geeky and shy and everyone around here has known each other practically their whole lives. I've never really felt like there was a place for me here."

I thought about what he'd just revealed to me. Him being relatively new here would explain why I didn't recognize him that day he almost knocked me over. And feeling like he doesn't have a place… well, I knew exactly how that felt too. I used to belong, but I don't anymore.

"I know what you mean, Jasper. I don't have any friends either. I used to, but I really haven't talked or interacted with anyone in years. I don't fit in here anymore."

He looked up at me sadly through his lashes. I found myself wanting to reach out and hug him. No one that beautiful should ever look sad.

"Well, Edward… maybe we can help each other out. Maybe… we could be friends?"

I smirked at him before answering. "I'd like that Jasper."

He smiled that bright, beaming smile at me and it lit up my world. I don't think I could ever tire of seeing his gorgeous smile.

"So hey," I said, "what do ya want to eat? We have tons of microwaveable dinners, we have sandwich stuff, cereal, or like I said, Victoria could make us something."

"Hmmm, what kinda cereal you got?"

"Let's see… Lucky Charms, Frosted Flakes, and CoCo Puffs."

"Lucky Charms all the way! They're magically delicious!" He boomed excitedly. His mood was contagious and soon I was just as excited to eat some damn Lucky Charms.

We both made ourselves a big bowl of Lucky Charms then went back into the game room to watch some TV while we ate. Around 8:00, Jasper said that he should be heading home.

"I had a lot of fun, Edward. We should do this more often."

Without really thinking, I said the first thing that popped in my head. "Wanna come over again tomorrow?" _Shit, desperate much?_

"Hell yeah! Same time?" _Wait, he said yes?_

"Yeah man, that's fine." _Hell-fucking-yes! Jasper was coming back tomorrow!_

He started walking towards the front door and I followed. I unlocked it and opened it for him. "Bye, Edward. See you tomorrow."

"Bye, Jazz." I waved at him as he got into his truck. Closing the door, I relocked it and made my way upstairs to my bedroom.

It was still early, but I was fucking exhausted. I hadn't slept well the previous night and I was mentally drained. Hanging out with Jasper had been fucking amazing. For the first time in three years, I actually felt alive. The feelings I had for him scared me infinitely but after spending time with him today, there was no way I could go back to being alone 24/7. I had to take the risk.

After imagining Jasper popping my man cherry and then exploding all over my stomach and chest, I drifted off into a deep sleep.

The next morning, I woke up early again, feeling hopeful and rested. I wasn't nearly as nervous and stressed today, but I was jittery simply because I couldn't wait to hangout with Jasper again.

After eating some breakfast, I worked on my history assignments that were due Monday. I wanted to get all that out of the way so I could just relax and have fun with Jasper today. Once that was finished, I went downstairs to the gym to waste the remaining time before I needed to shower and get ready. I jogged a few miles on the treadmill then decided to hit the bag some, hoping it would release some of my pent up sexual energy that only Jasper sparks in me.

I got a little carried away with thoughts of my pretty blue-eyed boy and before I knew it, I only had about thirty minutes to quickly shower and get ready before Jasper would be arriving. I hauled ass upstairs and jumped in the shower. I really _needed_ some release since I'd practically been semi-hard all day thus far, but I just didn't have the time.

_Here's to hoping that I can control my body's reactions to Jasper._

Just as I was toweling off, I heard someone knock on the door.

_Fuck! He's early and I'm naked!_

Without really thinking, I wrapped the damp towel around my waist and carefully ran downstairs to let Jasper in. Not only was I slightly out of breath when I opened the door, but I still had water dripping down my body, my bronze hair was still soaking wet, and I almost dropped the towel onto the floor.

_That would have been just great! _

"Hey, Jazz… sorry man I lost track of time down in the gym and I just jumped outa the shower. Come on in and head to game room if you want. I'll be right there once I throw on some clothes."

_Or I could remain naked if you please… Just sayin… _

Jasper's cerulean eyes were wide with surprise, his eyebrows raised up into his forehead. His full lips were slightly parted and I could tell his breaths were coming out in short pants. It also didn't escape my attention that his lust-filled eyes slowly traveled from my face all the way down to my feet, then back up again.

_Oh, he fucking wants me._

I ushered him inside and wanting to tease him a little, I let the towel fall dangerously low on my slim hips while I took the stairs two at a time back up towards my room. I glanced over my shoulder before disappearing into my room to see that he was staring after me. His hands were stuffed into the front pockets of his jeans, but not even that could hide the slight bulge below his waist.

I did a mental happy dance as I thought that maybe, just maybe, Jasper was attracted to me like I was to him. It wasn't just his physical appearance that drew me in though, finally forcing me to abandon my protective shell, it was so much more than just his looks.

I threw on some plaid pajama pants and a gray t-shirt and went to go find Jasper in the game room. I guess he hadn't heard me approaching because when I caught sight of his lean form, I realized he was giving himself some sort of pep-talk. His eyes were squeezed shut and he was whispering to himself animatedly with his hands.

_Too fucking cute._

He snapped his head up as he heard me nearing him. "Sorry 'bout that Jazz. How are you today?"

He swallowed dramatically and I became acutely aware of the sudden urge I had to lick his Adam's apple.

_Fuck! I can NOT get a boner! It will be so obvious in these pants. Shit, why did I wear these again?_

"Oh, no worries Edward." He pushed his glasses up his nose. I must be making him nervous. "And I'm really good, thanks for asking. How are you?"

"I'm really good too, Jazz. What did ya wanna do today?" _Did you maybe wanna wrap that pretty little mouth of yours around my cock? Fuck! Where did that come from?_

"I picked yesterday. Today is your choice." He gave me a sexy smirk that literally made me melt. I wonder if he realizes what he does to me?

"Mmmm, how 'bout we just chill and watch a funny movie or something? Have you seen _The Hangover_?" I wanted to see his beautiful smile as much as absolutely possible, and I knew this movie would do the trick. Plus, I'd be able to sit near him on the couch. Sounded like a damn good idea to me.

"Nope I haven't seen it. I've heard it's really funny though. Let's watch!"

I popped in the DVD and sat with about two feet in between us. I'd already seen this movie several times and knew many of the lines by heart, so I paid more attention to the gorgeous boy next to me. His laugh was one of the best sounds in the whole world. And those dimples…_fuck, they were sexy_!

As the movie played, I gradually inched my hand closer and closer to him on the couch cushion. Even though we weren't touching, I could still feel the residual buzz that existed between us. From all the signals I was getting, I was pretty confident that Jasper was into me just as much as I was into him. But I was scared. I didn't know if I should make a move or even _how_ to make a move. Jasper didn't ever move his hand closer to mine, but he did move his knee closer, or I thought he did.

_Quit being a pussy and touch him, kiss him, something!_

_No! We've only just started becoming friends and I don't wanna scare him off or ruin anything._

_Wow, you really do have a vagina don't you?_

_Shut the fuck up!_

My mental argument ceased as I realized the movie was over. I heard Jasper chuckling softly next to me.

"Wow, that movie was fucking hilarious!! 'This isn't a purse, it's a satchel. Indiana Jones wears one.'"

Jasper's quoting of the movie launched us into a fit of laughter and then we started tossing lines from the movie back and forth. God, I don't remember the last time I laughed like this, like _really_ laughed. It felt amazing.

Taking several deep breaths to regain my composure, I turned to Jasper and said, "Hey, how 'bout I order us some pizza? That cool with you?"

"Sure, man. I'll pay half and don't even think about arguing with me." He gave me an evil smirk and there was no way I could do anything but exactly what he asked.

After we'd eaten our pizza and played a couple games of pool, Jasper said that he should get going. I really didn't want him to leave, but a thought had crossed my mind earlier so I decided to run it by Jasper real quick.

"Hey, Jazz… would you wanna start coming over here for our sessions? Then, um, maybe we could hang out afterwards?"

His smile lit up his entire face. "That's a really good idea, Edward. I'll be over right after school tomorrow, ok?"

"Yeah, ok Jazz." _It's now or fucking never. I can't hold back anymore._

I went to open the door for him and just as he was about to walk out, I grabbed both sides of his smooth face and pressed my lips to his. I held his face to mine tightly, but after a few seconds I realized that Jasper wasn't responding. He was frozen in place.

I pulled back to look at him and instantly regretted taking the chance and kissing him like that. His eyes were wide with shock and it seemed like he wasn't even breathing.

_Goddammit! I really fucked up…_

But before I could chastise myself too much, Jasper launched his body at mine and pinned me up against the wall… hard. His strong arms were on either side of my head, effectively trapping me in. Not that I was fucking going anywhere. He greedily attacked my mouth and the feel of his soft full lips on mine was heaven. He pushed his tongue into my mouth and I gladly accepted. I began caressing his warm tongue with my own as we feverishly kissed and licked one another. When I sucked on his bottom lip just like I'd fantasized, he groaned into the kiss and moved his hands from the wall to lace his fingers through my hair. He tugged lightly on the strands, which elicited a moan from me, so he tugged again a little harder. I moved my hands to his hips and pulled his pelvis towards mine. Our hard cocks brushed against each other and knowing there were only a few layers of fabric between them almost sent me over the fucking edge. Apparently Jasper's line of thought wasn't far from mine because suddenly he was forcefully grinding his cock into mine.

"Unnggghhh, fuck Jazz… you taste so good… and you feel so good…" I panted against his lips.

He tilted his head and began deeply kissing me, but then he surprised me by pulling back slightly and taking my lower lip between his teeth, biting gently.

"Ooooh god…" I huffed out breathlessly. I moved my hands from his hips and grabbed his ass and squeezed.

Jasper lowered his head and began placing kisses along my jaw and down my neck.

"I've been… thinking about… doing this… since the... first time… I fucking saw you Edward. Do you know that?" He said while peppering me with wet kisses.

"I've wanted you too, Jazz. I tried to fight it, but… I just… I just can't anymore. I need you."

"I need you too, Edward… so fucking much."

Jasper returned his lips to my own and languidly began massaging my mouth with his. These kisses felt a little different, slower and more passionate, filled with the need we'd just disclosed. I noticed him pulling away and increasing the distance between our now sweaty bodies and I was very reluctant to let him go, fearing that if we stopped now or if he left, I would lose him somehow.

"As much as I hate to Edward, I really need to get going. My mom is probably already worrying."

I sighed in defeat. "I don't want you to go."

"I don't want to leave you, baby, but I promise you… I will be here tomorrow right after school gets out. You have my word."

_Baby? Did he really just call me baby?_

I must have been grinning stupidly because Jasper asked, "What are you grinning about?"

"Oh, nothing _baby_," I sneered, giving him my trademark crooked smirk.

"I said that huh?" He asked as he awkwardly scratched his head and pushed his glasses up his nose. _Awww he was embarrassed!_

"Yep, and I really fucking liked it." My declaration caused his embarrassment to disappear. _And there's that smile I love so much…_

"Well, in that case, I will see you tomorrow baby. G'night."

I leaned forward and gave him one more chaste kiss on the lips. "Night Jazz. Sweet dreams."

"Oh, you can count on it darlin." He winked at me then jogged toward his old pickup truck.

Closing the door and locking it, I ran up the stairs and jumped onto my bed, landing on my back. _I kissed him and he fucking kissed me back! Hell-fucking-yesssss! _

Tomorrow would not get here soon enough.

As predicted, school fucking dragged something awful. I was anxious to get home and see Jasper again and I'm not gonna lie, I was a little afraid… no, _really_ afraid… that he would change his mind about me.

I couldn't focus in any of my classes and I didn't even try. I let my mind wander to the past couple of days.

_Jasper… fuck he was amazing._

We'd had so much fun together all weekend and by the time Sunday evening rolled around, I was determined to do or say _something_ that would show him how I felt. I'd hidden from my feelings and emotions way too long and I just couldn't contain them anymore, especially not what I felt for him. I even found myself smiling several times throughout the day as I thought of my beautiful boy.

_Fuck, I hoped he would be mine and only mine._

The last bell of the day finally sounded and I practically sprinted out of class and to my Volvo. I wanted to beat him to my house so he wouldn't have to wait.

I pulled up to my house and didn't see his truck, which I was both glad and nervous about. I really hoped he would show up. I thought back to everything he'd said last night before he left, but even those words couldn't calm the anxiety brewing within me. He already had such a strong hold on me and that was fucking scary as hell.

I ran upstairs and went into the bathroom to brush my teeth. I knew we had our tutoring session today, but I was definitely hoping that, if he showed up of course, I would have the opportunity to explore him a little more.

_I'm a teenage boy remember? One-track mind. _

I went into the game room and turned on the TV. Maybe it would drown out the fears in my head. I sat down to watch, but I couldn't even tell you what was on. My mind was definitely preoccupied.

_Hmmm, wonder what's taking him so long?_

I didn't live far from the school, maybe five minutes tops, and I'd already been home for about forty minutes.

_He's not coming… I know it. _

I started berating myself for kissing him and for making my feelings known. I shouldn't have done that. Hell I should have never even talked to him! I shouldn't have accepted his invitation to hangout. I shouldn't have moved our sessions to my house. The rejection I was feeling was slowly drowning me and I could feel my protective barriers being reconstructed. I was so dumb to allow myself to feel… to feel something for him no less.

He must not really want me like he said he did. Maybe he changed his mind and just couldn't face telling me in person. Maybe he didn't like kissing me. I didn't really know what the fuck I was doing to be honest. I just went with my instinct because I'm definitely new to… well, everything.

Then again, maybe he just got held up at school. Maybe I'm freaking out over nothing.

_Yeah, that's all it is. Jasper wouldn't stand me up like this._

Oh god… what if something is wrong? What if he was in an accident or something and is hurt… or worse. I immediately felt the bile rising from my stomach and I ran to the closest bathroom, dry heaving several times. My eyes were stinging with unshed tears.

After taking several deep breaths to clam myself. I rinsed my mouth with Scope then decided I just needed to call him. I _had_ to know if he was okay.

Grabbing my phone, I realized almost an hour had passed since I arrived home. I started searching for his name in my contacts when I heard a knock at the door that froze me in place. My heart started beating loudly in my chest.

_Please be Jasper. Please be Jasper…_

As I approached the door, I could see his wild blonde locks through the glass insets.

_It was him. Thank god he's okay!_ _But why is he late?_

I hesitantly opened the door and tried not to let all the emotions I was feeling reveal themselves on my face, especially if he was about to tell me he didn't want to see me anymore.

What I saw confused me. Jasper was standing on my doorstep slightly out of breath but smiling brilliantly and holding several brown paper grocery sacks in his hands.

"You're late," I sneered as I moved and let him enter.

Several emotions flickered across his face before understanding hit and his smile fell. "Oh fuck! Edward, baby, I'm so sorry! God I'm so stupid! You probably thought I wasn't coming huh? Shit! I was so wrapped up in my little surprise that I didn't even consider what you would think when I didn't show right after school. I tried to hurry. God I'm so sorry."

"Surprise?" I asked, still not quite sure what the hell was going on.

"Umm, yeah. I remembered that you hadn't had a home-cooked meal in a long time, so I went to the grocery store right after school and got everything I'd need to cook for you tonight after our session. It's probably stupid…" he finished, looking defeated and embarrassed.

_He wanted to… cook for me? Oh. My. God._

I needed to wipe that sad look off his pretty face right this instant, so I attacked his soft lips with my own and walked him backwards until I was pinning him hard against the wall. He dropped the bags to the floor and grabbed my hips roughly. The slight stubble on his face caused the most delicious friction and too soon I needed to break away to catch my breath. I moved my lips to his jaw and placed light kisses all the way around to his ear.

"Thank you, Jasper. I was so worried that you… were hurt or didn't want me. I'm so glad you're here," I whispered in his ear causing his entire body to shiver.

He pushed us off the wall and grabbed my hand. He led me into the game room and right over the big sectional couch in the corner. He pushed me down on the couch then straddled my lap.

Taking my face in his hands, he said, "I didn't mean to worry you darlin. I wasn't thinking. Let me make it up to you." With that, he leaned in and gently captured my lips. He tilted his head slightly to deepen the kiss and soon our tongues were entangled and caressing.

He pulled back once more saying, "And I always want you."

His sweet, sincere words were laced with such emotion that I fought not let my unshed tears from earlier finally fall. I reached my arms up his muscular back and pulled him into my chest, hugging him tight. His face was in the crook of my neck and I felt him kiss me lightly several times during our embrace.

"Jazz, I want to be yours baby... and I need to know that you're mine. Be my… boyfriend?"

He pulled back so he could look into my eyes. His sapphire orbs twinkled and he was grinning adoringly at me.

"Yes, Edward. I'd love nothing more than to be yours... I've _been_ yours. And now… you're mine."

As he said "mine" he shifted, grinding his hard length against my own. My hands immediately went to his firm ass as I pushed him into me again creating more friction. He felt so fucking good and now he was mine. He was my boyfriend.

"Unnnggghhh, you're so fucking beautiful," I moaned out to him.

His lips crashed into mine and our tongues began battling for dominance. My hands were kneading his ass and his fingers found themselves in my hair again, pulling every now and again. He continued shifting his hips back and forth along my cock

"Fuck Edward… you feel so good. Feel me baby… do you like that?" He asked against my now swollen lips before devouring them once again.

"Fuck yes!" I groaned out.

I moved my hands from his jean clad ass up and under his shirt. Feeling the warm, slick skin of his strong back under my palms ignited senses throughout my entire body. I caressed him all the way up to his shoulder blades, which flexed deliciously under my ministrations, then I dragged my blunt fingernails slowly down the length of his back. He bucked hard into my groin, threw his head back, and released a guttural moan that almost had me exploding in my pants right then.

Seeing his slender neck exposed to me like that, I couldn't help but suck and lick and nip all along it. His fingers released my bronze strands and made their way to my nipples. He brushed them lightly back and forth then pinched them hard over my t-shirt. The sensation was mind-blowing and had me panting against his neck.

My hands went to the hem of his shirt and pulled up.

"I need this off… now!" I said hungrily.

His bare chest was one sexy sight. He had strong broad shoulders and his biceps bulged slightly. They were so enticing that I couldn't help but reach up and touch them. His chest and pecs were rising and falling with his quick breaths and his stomach was flat and revealed a slightly defined six pack. He was fucking perfect. I noticed he was blushing as I eagerly drank in his naked torso.

"You are so perfect," I mumbled as I slid my fingers down his bare midsection.

He chuckled lightly and said, "No darlin, you're the perfect one. Shirt… off."

Once there were no more barriers between our chests, our lips fused together once more as we languidly tasted each other. The feeling of our bare skin touching was intoxicating. Jasper moved his lips down my neck and suddenly took my right nipple into his mouth, sucking lightly and making my hips buck up into his. I could now feel the precum leaking from my straining erection.

"Oh fuck baby…" I huffed out in ecstasy.

He moved his lips to my left nipple while his fingers took over on my right one. He repeated his actions, but this time he bit down and pulled gently. I almost came un-fucking-glued.

"Mmm, you like that darlin?"

"Y-yes," was all I could manage to say.

I laced my fingers in his wavy locks and alternated between tugging and gently massaging his scalp. We were both constantly moaning in pleasure by this point.

Then Jasper released my left nipple and slowly began kissing his way down my stomach. He moved from straddling me to kneeling on the floor between my widely spread legs. I kept my fingers entwined in his soft hair as I watched his descent. My erection was straining against my jeans so there was no denying how fucking bad I wanted him.

Jaspers hands were slowly rubbing the tops of my thighs as he kept licking and nipping on my torso. Once he got to hipbone, he bit down hard and sucked the delicate skin into his mouth. I threw my head back and reveled in the sensation of him marking me. I thrust my hips up unconsciously and was met with some resistance. I lifted my head to look down and realized my cock had brushed against the side of Jasper's face. He grinned seductively at me then moved his hands to the button on my jeans. He cocked an eyebrow as if asking permission. I nodded my assent.

Jasper fumbled with my button and zipper but he eventually got my fly open. He started tugging on them so I lifted my hips to help. In one swift movement he freed my aching cock and removed both my jeans and boxers.

My erection was standing proudly and the tip glistened with precum. Despite the insane lust I was feeling at that moment, I started freaking out. I'd never done _anything_ like this before and I didn't know what to expect. Would I need to reciprocate? Surely that's the polite thing to do, but was I ready for that?

Jasper must have sensed my internal struggle. "It's okay, baby. I just want to make you feel good. Let me do this for you. Please?"

_How the fuck could I resist?_

I nodded and smirked at the beautiful boy kneeling before me. I reached out to caress the side of his face and he leaned into my touch. He looked so fucking hott in this position.

Jasper silenced any thoughts passing through my mind as he snaked his tongue out and licked the precum from my slit. My hips bucked involuntarily and both my hands found their way to his golden waves.

"Mmmm, you taste so fucking good baby."

I was completely incoherent so I just moaned in response. Jasper then grabbed the base of my cock as he began dragging his tongue up and down my shaft. I wanted to watch everything my beautiful boy was doing, but I was afraid I would unexpectedly shoot my load right in his eye if I did. So I shut my eyes and leaned my head back into the couch and just became absorbed in the pleasure Jasper was giving me so willingly.

Jasper then plunged my aching cock into his hot mouth, taking me all the way in until my head was meeting the back of his throat. He slowly slid his mouth back up my shaft, sucking as he did, until only the head was still concealed. He swirled his tongue expertly around the sensitive tip and then flicked the frenulum gently.

"Ughhh, fuck Jasper… so fucking good… please don't stop baby."

He began bobbing his head, taking my hard length in and out of his beautiful mouth repeatedly. With the hand that wasn't holding the base of my cock, he fondled my balls and tugged them softly.

I knew I wasn't going to fucking last long, this being my first blowjob and all. I felt the familiar sensation brewing in my lower abdomen and the tightening in my balls. Jasper was still worshipping my cock with his mouth as he slid his hand below my balls and caressed the sensitive skin there.

My eyes opened and my head shot up off the back of the couch and what little control I was holding on to up until this point was completely lost. I grabbed his blonde locks roughly and growled as I began fucking his pretty lips. The vibrations of his moan around me let me know that my reactions to him were giving him as much pleasure as he was giving me.

"Oh god baby… I'm gonna… I'm about to…"

He looked up at me with those blue eyes swimming with lust and after a couple more thrusts into his eager mouth, I was falling over the edge. I moaned loudly and then I was fucking seeing stars. I filled his hot mouth with my cum and he swallowed around me, taking every last drop I had to give. He released my softening cock from his mouth and began gently cleaning me with his tongue. I watched him and tried to catch my breath. Honestly, the sight was enough to get me hard all over again.

After one final lick, he looked at me and smirked proudly. I reached for him and pulled him into my lap, kissing him deeply and tasting myself in his mouth.

"God Jasper… that was… ugh, fucking amazing. Thank you baby," I said as I nuzzled into his neck.

He laughed softly. "It was definitely my pleasure darlin. Trust me."

He hopped up off the couch and after tossing me my shirt, he pulled his on. I noticed the prominent bulge below his waist and instantly felt bad that he hadn't gotten any sort of release. He saw me looking and said, "Don't worry baby. That was all about you. We have all the time in the world for you to make it up to me, but right now… I want to cook my _boyfriend_ dinner."

He smiled lovingly and showed me the dimples I loved so much.

"Boyfriend. I like the sound of that." I smirked at him as I stood. He turned to walk towards the kitchen and I playfully smacked his ass from behind.

I never wanted the happiness and pure satisfaction I felt in that very moment to disappear.

* * *

**Whew! Long-winded one shot huh? Well I'd really love to know what you think, good or bad. So click the little button below and review!! Thanks for reading!**

**If you're into dark and angsty Edward and Bella fics, check out the story Lindsay and I are writing. Links on my profile!!**


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